Path of Least Resistance
by literallyirelevant
Summary: They had a chance but they waited too long. She wanted an easy route, but it wasn't the right one. There was always a tomorrow. Until there wasn't. BellaxAlice, BellaxEdward


**Path of Least Resistance**

**They had a chance but they waited too long. She wanted an easy route, but it wasn't the right one. There was always a tomorrow. Until there wasn't. BellaxAlice, BellaxEdward**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Warning: Angst**

* * *

Her hands were soft on my waist as she tightened the corset. I could not breathe, but it was not the strings that kept my lips from opening. Unspoken words choked us like congestion that clung to us, keeping us closer than what was physically possible. My face was covered in powders and ink, but she could see through all of it. She knew what I looked like without these layers and I wished that she would tell me how much she wished we weren't stuck in this situation. She didn't. It was not her place to.

So instead she gave me a small smile, "I'm happy for you, Bella."

It was always the same words over and over again. A lie told a million times becomes the truth and I could not possibly accept this truth. Was I so much a coward that I could not accept the fact that I was not happy? It was not her happiness I so badly craved at the moment but my own. So long I kept her at an arm's reach so I could pull her into a hug when I wanted. Now, an arms reach was too far away. I wanted her closer. Yet I traded familiarity and love for normality and stability.

What was stability without her at my side and what was normality if I have never lived it. My normality was having her sleep across the hall from me so I could go over whenever I pleased. I was selfish and at that very moment I still was. I wanted her. I have always wanted her but words never fell from my mouth the way they formed in my mind. My tongue twist words until they only vaguely resemble the original thought. The complexity did not work with my lips and devotions of love turned to a smile once they passed my mind.

The white gown fell down to my toes as she circled me in her little blue dress. I wanted to reach out to her, to hold her and tell her I wish I could have done something but I couldn't breathe. She was stunning. Despite this being my day, she was so breathtaking that I simply could not let myself breathe for fear that her scent might lure me in more than her eyes. As usual, they displayed the slightest bit of childish curiosity that I fell in love with.

"I'm happy for you, Bella," she whispered as she gave me another weak smile. Words used to flow from her lips like water, effortlessly and continuously. Yet these were the only words I ever heard anymore.

As tears bubbled up into my eyes, she wiped them away, shaking her head. My head was too heavy with regret to push her away. She covered my face with the veil and smoothed out my gown. The bouquet of lilies was gingerly placed in my hands.

* * *

Alice rested her head on my chest as her breath tickled my neck. I allowed my fingers to run through her hair. It was soft and smelled of vanilla. She was soft, with her bones creating the only edges on her body. High school was finally over and we had the summer to ourselves. Edward was off with his friends, he was supposed to be gone until the next day.

Her parents weren't home yet and Edward was gone. Did she not know how much I wanted her to kiss me? Her lips rested on my collarbones, motionless.

Makeup was smeared across her cheek and the glitter of her dress sprinkled the sheets. Her bedroom was littered with posters of models and odd bands that I could never understand. Magazines were her books but the posters displayed so much more than words would allow. Some of them were nothing more than words and some of them meant nothing. Nothing to anyone but her. She lived in a world within her own mind and at times I wondered how much digging it would take to truly reach her thoughts.

I wrapped my arms around her frail body and let my eyes close. She was warm against me and not even the summer rain outside could dampen my joy. Being alone was something we valued.

"Bella. What are we going to do after college? Can we live together? Just for a little while? I won't bother you at all."

"Yeah, we can."

She jumped right up and smiled brightly as she reached over her vanity to grab a hand mirror and makeup wipes. Giggling, she wiped off whatever was on my face and hers before taking out a palette of horrifyingly bright colors. She pulled me up from the pillows and took out a brush. Her skilled hands painted my eyes with blues that resembled the sky that was outside the window. A smile was permanently glued to my face.

"Seattle is so pretty, Bella! I can't believe you've never been there! Edward used to bring me there all the time! We can go shopping all the time and Edward is going to be in the same city!"

Words came out of her mouth like wild fire, spreading and catching onto my ears. Her voice was sweet and innocent. The world felt more at ease whenever she laughed and I couldn't help but to fall in love with how carefully she held the brush. In her, I could see the best of Edward. She was sweet, she was caring, and she loved stories. Edward loved books and music. Alice loved music but she did not play a single instrument. She loved stories but she rarely read.

Her eyes never stayed long enough on one page for her to comprehend what she was looking at. Instead, she watched old movies and listened to the radio. Even then, her lips would move, mouthing each of the lines.

Edward rarely moved when he read, he was always to captured by the words to do anything but to read. I could sit besides him for hours and he would not say a single word to me. It was never like this with Alice. Edward was the type who would get me tickets for opening night. If I wanted to go watch a movie with Alice, the movie was to be early and we were to be the only ones in the theater. She liked to talk to the screen. Most of the time, she fell asleep before the movie was over. She'd always want me to tell her what happened. I couldn't, because I would spend that time seeing her face in the dark of the theater and how it reflected the colors on the screen.

There was a knock on the door and a mop of copper colored hair greeted us. Alice frowned but got off of my lap.

Edward gave me a smile, "Got home early. Want to go to my room, Bella?"

Talking about college became talking about us in college. How he was going to miss me despite only being less than twenty minutes away. The kisses I gave him were empty promises. He smiled and I couldn't help but to see how he and Alice had the same smile, only hers was softer. His bedroom was well organized. CDs had their place on the wall and books were categorized by author and release date.

His eyes were a sweet green and I could only dream of the list of the girls that would die to be in my position. I was terribly spoiled by affection and by him. Edward treated me as if I was the sole source of beauty. He never gave any other girl a single glance in their direction. His attention was endless. He could read a book in a sitting without ever looking up and I was a book he never was able to finish. His hands slipped under the hem of my shirt and his lips made their way up my neck.

He smelt of musk and peppermint. The strong scent made my eyes water but I still kissed him back.

"You look so beautiful tonight, Bella."

With that, he pulled of my shirt and kissed my stomach. There was nothing extraordinary about my stomach. It was not toned nor was it particularly flat. It was not round and no man on earth would lie and say it was in any sense curvy. Yet he stared at it as if it was made of gold and his lips kissed the soft flesh as if he could live off of it. It felt wrong. The adoration and the attention felt wrong. I did not want his eyes to tell me my body was beautiful. Instead of green, I saw hazel.

We were both breathless, but the adoration was still burning in his eyes, "Bella, you're perfect. Do you want this?"

Did I want this? Complete devotion and adoration? Of course I wanted it but from his eyes, his lips, his fingers? We planned this too long ago for it to be negotiable. Two years we had planned this. It was an awkward conversation between virgins. We were both blushing and flustered by the end of the odd talk. Yet we felt it was right. We loved each other. Yet looking back, the love was nothing as it was now. Now, I truly cared for him. Some may even claim what I felt was love. Yet there was no attraction. We were not magnets. We were just rocks, tied together because we didn't know about the other choices. We were too scared for those other choices.

I nodded and he gave me another kiss.

Everything was sloppy and the air was filled with claims of devotions and moans. It felt so terribly wrong but I did not have the courage to tell him to stop. I didn't need confirmation to know that Alice could hear us through the walls. Shame bubbled up in my chest and I let it out with a cry of guilt that Edward mistook as pleasure.

I could not help but see the love in his eyes as he pushed himself in and kissed me on the chest. The air was cold around us and my clothes were haphazardly scattered across the floor. My skin was hot with both nerves and shame. What love I felt for him was used up and I couldn't get myself to speak.

"So perfect, Bella."

Perfect. Somehow his view of perfection had molded to me and at that moment I let myself close my eyes and hope that it was genetic. That this perfection was the same in her eyes. He was staring at me waiting for a response, I could feel his eyes touch my body.

I let the words crawl out of my lips, "I love you."

At that moment, I did not lie. The words were true, but he was not the one they were directed to.

* * *

"I swear! If I fail this final Esme is going to disown me, Bella! Oh god... what if she already disowned me? Shit! I should've studied more... I could've studied more. Why'd I let myself rewatch those movies? I've seen them a million times already," Alice mumbled to herself as she paced in front of me. Her usual chai tea was left to go cold on the coffee table.

She looked at me for some form of comfort and her eyes fell down to the ring on my finger, "Did he?"

I lifted my hand and nodded at the platinum band that was artfully covered with diamonds, "He did."

I could not help but see the way her lips pressed against each other before they slowly pulled out into a smile, "Congratulations, Bella."

Three years ago we had our first kiss. She was drunk off cheap beer and I was drunk off her words. Her lips attacked mine but I pushed back just as fiercely. Forgotten was the dinner I just had with Edward. I was starved and she was my only sustenance, she had always been. Her voice was my coffee and her sleep gave me a better calm than any therapeutic oil could ever dream of giving me.

Cheating skank. Oh how well I knew I was and how I hated to kiss Edward after I kissed Alice. I was washing away my love with his mouth and he saw none of it. I could not get myself to regret how I let Alice kiss me when I left the apartment we shared and I could not let myself refuse her touch. We kissed, always in secret. We went out to lunch but we both saw them as dates. We would sleep in the same bed, to keep our selves warm and to keep me from missing her body.

"Thank you, Alice."

Her eyes remained on the ring and it felt incredibly heavy on my finger.

"Edward wants me to invite you out for dinner tonight. It's just going to be Rosaline, Emmett, Jasper, and us."

She did not smile as she nodded at me, "Sure, Bella. Fancy or casual?"

"I think fancy."

Her breath was shaky, even shakier than mine. If only our breath could form words and if only those words could have been angry. I wanted her to be angry. Yet she left the room without another word and this time there was no lingering touch nor a kiss on the cheek. The humid summer air felt thick and kept the words I wanted to so badly say stuck at the back of my throat.

* * *

"Cheers, to a wonderful wedding! My man Eddie finally got a chick!"

Emmett clinked his glass just a little bit too much and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rosalie scowl. We were drunk, full, and giggling all a bit too much. Alice rested her head on Jasper's arm. She was the only one that remained quiet.

"Hey, we've been together for six years. I just finally get to call her my fiancé."

I smiled and let his head rest on my shoulder, Alice refused to look our way, "At least I know I won't grow up old and alone."

His breath smelled of wine and whiskey when he leaned into me, "You would have never grew up old and alone, Bella. If I didn't get you, some other lucky man would've."

Kisses and hoots echoed in the small apartment. Alice buried herself deeper into Jasper. They had a weird bond. They dated for a week, then they ended it. After that, they were something similar to best friends. He was there whenever she was upset and vise versa. I could never tell if Jasper liked me or not. He was a friend of Edwards and was often with us but never had he said more than a few words to me.

"Now we've got forever, Bella."

"So where's the wedding going to be at, Bella?"

I shrugged, "After we both get jobs. I guess a year."

"Where are you going to stay until then?"

"Here, with Alice."

She gave me the slightest of smiles which I returned with enthusiasm. When Edward scooted in closer, I could see the disappointment on her face.

Rosalie sighed, "Marriage is just so romantic... devotion, loyalty, love."

Edward slapped Emmett on the back, "Your girl is asking for something!"

Loyalty. Neither of us were completely loyal. Devoted, sure. Loyal, never.

Her name was Tanya. She lived in the apartment across from the one Alice and I shared. When I looked out my window after Edward left, I could see him walking to hers. She was a beautiful thing. Her hair was a strawberry blonde and her body reminded me of a strippers. Her apartment was one of those with a doorman and flowerbeds. It also had sheer curtains. I could see how he would press her against the window when he fucked her. Either he slept with me or he slept with her.

Sex was difficult for me. Nothing about him made me want it other than the fact that he would shower me with compliments and love. Yet I rather listen to the sound of Alice's heartbeat and soft snores than listen to his sweet nothings.

Tayna worked in the same café as I did. She was friendly and talkative. Despite knowing very well that I was Edward's girlfriend, she was nothing but polite to me. Even after she sucked him off in the supply closet, she gave me a friendly smile. I could see past the smile and see jealousy. She liked him more than se and I knew it. She knew it too.

For some reason, despite the fact that I never gave him what he deserved, he wanted me. He wanted me more than just sex. I couldn't understand what about me made him love me but he just did. While he loved me as a lover, I loved him as a friend. Tayna never looked when Edward kissed me when he visited the café.

Did his cheating give nullify mine? No, but in some sick twisted sense it made me feel better.

If he used her body instead of mine, I felt cleaner. He was happy and I was happy. Time spent alone with Alice, watching reality shows until she fell asleep on me made her happy.

Alice retreated to her room and soon after, the rest of them left for the night. Edward led me to my room, a sick puppy following her owner. My curtains were parted and the light in Tayna's room was still on.

"Tonight was perfect, Bella."

Sweet nothing and breathy moans. I faked them all as I was pressed against the clear glass. Alice knew what we were doing, and from how her curtains moved, Tayna knew what we were doing too.

* * *

Alice hated the fact that we were getting married. She would never tell me such a thing. Jasper did that for her. He knew I belonged with her even more than I did and I could not help but feel that he was right. I felt her lips on my cheek as she pushed me towards Charlie.

"You look beautiful, Bella. I love you, you know that? Now go on out there and marry my brother. Don't let her trip, Charlie."

"Can't do anything 'bout it, Alice. Bella always has her way of tripping."

This was too easy, walking down the aisle on Charlie's arm. Esme and Renee were both sniffing. If we were getting married, it would have been the same audience. He was smiling and Alice was walking behind me being my Maid of Honor. There was nothing magical. I did not walk on air. My devotion was a lie and my love was dwindling with every step.

He was not the one who captured me. I was the one who forced myself into the prison of marriage and he was the one I dragged into the cell. Alice would have been my key but she was my key no longer. In the audience sat Alice's plus one. It was a girl with fair skin and hair so pale it could have been mistaken for white. Her eyes shined with adoration and she had everything I had let go.

Jane. I knew so much more than her name. Alice loved to talk about her and I could hear her conversations with her on the phone. Alice was not quite and with love she was nothing but loud. It came easy to her and Jane kept her voice box working into the earliest hours of the day. They worked out for each other but I could never help but whish I was in her place. I wanted to be the one who got to kiss her goodbye just so I could greet her again with a hug. I wanted to be the one who could tell her she was beautiful then show her.

She had told me that she loved me but her love no longer belonged to me.

I took the easy route and she was not on it. I did not want the nerves that came with telling my parents the truth. I did not want to fear whether they would accept me. I did not want the discrimination and the hate that would have been thrown my way. I did not want my life to be made difficult with my love. Yet now as I numbly said I do, I realized how beautiful that route could have been if she was the one besides me.

* * *

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